Barbara J. Stapleton

Barbara J. (Wright) Stapleton was born to James and Margaret (Walker) Wright on August 1, 1950 in Cheyenne, Wyoming. She joined her much loved older brother Jimmy and older sister Marilyn. Barbara attended East High School, graduating with the Class of 1968. Staying in Cheyenne, Barbara was working in the cafe of a bowling alley as a waitress and raising her daughter, Kimberly Michelle, when she happened to serve a cup of coffee to a young William Steven Stapleton. As my dad told the story this week, he ordered a cup of coffee or a soda from her and “that was it.” Barb and Steve were married on December 7, 1973 and then welcomed an 11 pound 11 ounce bundle of joy they named Jennifer Lynn.

After moving around for Steve’s job with the Veterans Administration, the family finally settled in Bowie, Maryland in 1980 where Barb and Steve lived ever since. In Maryland, Barb worked full time as a clerical secretary, first with Sentry Insurance and then later for Erie Insurance. Barb was much loved by her coworkers throughout the years. Some of my memories of her time at Erie include the Property Damage Department when she affectionately renamed the department managers - Dale and Darryl - to “Chip and Dale” and always bought them stuffed animals or figurines to decorate the office area. There were also the many adventures mom had with her best friend Edna Anderson, going to wine festivals or outlet shopping across Maryland or just enjoying dinners together at many area restaurants . Her greatest moment however may have been in 2000 when she was awarded the Erie Insurance Silver Spring Branch Bob Marian award. She much admired Bob Marian when they worked together and to have earned the award created in his memory was an honor. Barb had retired from Erie Insurance at one point to are for her mother Margaret who lived with Barb and Steve for a while in Bowie but the call of the clerical staff at Erie was too much and after her mother returned to Cheyenne, Barb returned to the Silver Spring Branch and was, for a while, the clerical supervisor. Barb finally retired from Erie sometime around 2005 to enjoy her retirement and growing family which by that time included several grandchildren.

Barb absolutely loved cats. We affectionately called her our “crazy cat lady.” Much to her neighbors and Steve’s chagrin, Barb never met a cat (or animal) that she didn’t love.Despite Steve’s repeated warnings to not even glance at the stray cats that would pop up around the house, Barb welcomed any cat to her backyard. She made sure they were well fed and also arranged for the cats to be neutered or spayed to keep the population under control. Each cat that visited her backyard had a name and despite her memory issues later in life, Barb knew each cat that was at the door, never forgetting their name and the cats knew her too. We take comfort knowing that upon her passing, Barb has been reunited with her many cats over the years: Kitty, Smokey, Pumpkin, Marvel, Sandy, Scout, Missy (grandkitty) and Nicky (grandkitty). 

Eventually, Barb became a grandmother (“Meme” as she was affectionately called) to James Emory Joyce, Alesha Covey, Shane Covey, Autumn Joyce, and Blake Covey and a great grandmother to Amelia Conver-Joyce. She loved her grandkids and great granddaughter with all her heart and glowed with pride and joy whenever speaking about them. Not a single conversation with mom began or ended without her asking Jenn “How are the boys?” or “Tell the boys Meme loves them so much.” 

Barb was, and this is probably unknown to anyone outside the immediate family, a “pretty tough broad” physically and emotionally. This moniker came to be after Barb had fallen one day in the driveway of their home while Steve was at the office. With no one nearby to assist, Barb got herself up, walked up three steps in the garage into the house, and settled into her chair in the family room. When Steve returned home from work, she mentioned the fall and said she’d like to soak in a hot bath. So she walked up two flights of stairs, climbed into and then later out of a large soaking tub, and then back down the two flights of stairs to settle back into her chair. After about another two hours, Barb told Steve her leg was hurting “a little” and maybe they should go to the hospital. Barb then walked to the car and then into the Bowie Health Center on her own volition. An incredulous doctor came to Steve later after reviewing x-rays and said - “She has a broken femur. She walked on a broken femur!” He said to Steve, “She is one tough broad” to have walked on the leg for so long.

(From Jenn) Barb was also a pretty awesome mom. I remember her comforting me when I was having a bad dream as a child because my dad was out of town for business. I can probably thank her for my ability to clean so well. Example, to clean a shelf of knick knacks you have to take ALL the knick knacks off the shelf, dust the shelf completely, and then dust EACH knickknack individually as you return it to the shelf - - in its original spot. (My kids probably do not thank her for teaching me that as I may now have unreasonable expectations for cleanliness.)

My mom also taught me to iron. To this day I cannot iron a shirt without hearing her, on more than one occasion, complaining about a man wearing a wrinkled shirt and/or pants. “How can his wife let him look like that?” she would say with a tone of disgust. Or while I’m ironing, if I accidentally create a double crease, I hear her in the back of my mind issuing a “tut tut” and a sigh. I have to admit, it happens more than I like, but I’m happy to have that memory. Needless to say, I think I was in late high school or even college before my mom would let me help her iron my dad’s clothes for work.

This brings me to another thing everyone should know about my mom. She absolutely, totally, and completely LOVED my dad. I always knew how much they loved each other - I mean you couldn’t be within a hundred yards of them without feeling the love. My parents would exchange gifts and the tags would read “To: You / From: Me” or “To: Me / From: You”. Christmas morning would always result in at least ONE misdirected present because my sister and I could never remember who was who. But THEY knew. As my mom became sicker and sicker over the past few months and Alzheimer’s took more and more of her memories, she NEVER EVER forgot my dad, how much she loved him, and how much he loved her. In fact, my dad told me just the other day that about a week before she got sick, she had said to him that he still had the cute butt that she fell in love with so many years ago.

One of my most cherished memories of these difficult past few months was when my mom was really confused, anxious, and sad. For almost an hour or two, she was inconsolable until my dad came home. He came over to her, pulled her up from her chair into a great big bear hug and said “I”m here. You’re safe. It’s alright and I’ll protect you.” Her smile and look of relief will forever be in my memory. She loved “her man” as she’d called him and he loved her.

That’s another thing I want people to know about my mom. If she loved you, she loved you. She would accept your faults, she would forgive your transgressions even those you made against HER because she loved you. That is a life lesson that I admit I am still learning and practicing. I might not have agreed with that philosophy, but I myself made some own transgressions in my life - - but she loved me and, believe me, there were times I was not nice to her and really did not deserve her grace. But still she loved me.

One last thing about my mom that I want everyone to know - and I wish it could have been captured in a photo. . . she had the most BEAUTIFUL ice blue eyes ever. My most thankful memory of the most horrible week of my life was the moment on Saturday September 1st when my mom opened her eyes while I was in the room with her. Mom had been unresponsive for the past 48 hours, but she looked at me with those amazing eyes, she saw me, got a light in those eyes and I could swear I heard her say “My girl” and smile.

I am sure I will remember more and more about my mom over the next few days and weeks, but these are the things I would want people to know about my mom.

(From Kim)

Mommy loved anything about John F. Kennedy, Marilyn Monroe, Elvis, and Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson. (Side note from Jenn, our dad still blames my husband Larry for introducing my mom to WWE and The Rock.) She also loved to watch the Rocky movies (side note from Jenn again, she passed this on to her grandson Shane who loves Rocky and even named our dog Apollo). She loved her best friends from working at Erie Insurance: Edna, Doris, Sherri, and Vasty. She got a kick out of Jeff Dunham’s puppet Peanut (side note from Jenn again - - that thing is creepy!). She cherished pictures of her family and has them all over the house. She also recently loved watching the show, The Big Bang Theory and adored Sheldon.

Please use the comments section below to share any memories or photos you have of Barbara. We (Jenn, Kim, James and Steve) plan to use this post as our unofficial memorial service for mom and appreciate any memories or words you would like to share about her. 

In lieu of flowers, please consider making donations to any of the following charities that were near and dear to mom’s heart: ASCPA, St. Jude’s Hospital, or Shriners Hospitals for Children.

Thank you so much for reading.

Barbara is survived by her loving husband of 51 years, 8 months and 1 day, William Steven Stapleton; her daughters Kimberly Michelle Joyce (Tim) and Jennifer Lynn Covey (Larry); her grandchildren James, Alesha, Shane, Autumn, and Blake; her great granddaughter Amelia; her house cats Castile and LadyBug, and about 10 outdoor feral cats.